“Aki woiye, si inachosha hii mambo?” It’s that soul-crushing feeling when you’ve been burned, “umechomwa,” far too many times, and now, trusting someone new feels like trying to cross Luthuli Avenue during rush hour – “ni risky business!” The worst part? It’s often the people “uko nao karibu sana,” the ones you’d share your last “chapati” with, who end up playing “hide and seek” with your trust. That’s why it’s so easy to overlook the red flags, “zile warning signs zinapiga nduru.”
Many of us, especially “sisi warembo,” tend to see the best in others. Our open, sometimes “naive” hearts want to give people the benefit of the doubt, handing out trust “kama peremende kwa watoto” before they’ve even shown they deserve a crumb. Then, when those same people “wanavunja hiyo trust,” it leaves us feeling confused, hurt, and wondering if “kichwa yetu iko sawa.” Especially when, “haki,” they didn’t deserve that trust “ata kidogo” in the first place.
But just because you’ve been hurt before doesn’t mean you should build a “Great Wall of China” around your heart and stop trusting altogether. “Hapana!” Instead, use those experiences “kama lessons kwa life university” to help you identify who you shouldn’t trust. If those lessons haven’t been enough, or if your “trust radar” still feels a bit faulty, keep reading. Let’s learn how to spot an untrustworthy person “bila kupata more heartbreaks.”
“Radar On! 7 Ways to Clock Watu Wasioaminika Chap Chap”
Think of this as your new “trust-o-meter” calibration guide. Here are seven ways to spot those “watu wasioaminika” before they turn your life into a Nollywood movie, “tena na tena” (again and again).
1. “Their Insecurities? Wanakuvalisha Wewe!” – Projection Masters
Untrustworthy people often project their own “mambo ya ndani,” their insecurities and mistrust, onto you. This is what “wazungu wanaita” paranoid projection. “Yaani,” if someone is constantly accusing you of being dishonest, sneaky, or “kukucheza karata,” it might actually be a huge red flag that they are the ones hiding something under the “kitanda.”
Often, if “msee wako” is always worried that you’re cheating or lying, it could indicate their own guilt or lack of integrity. When someone is untrustworthy, their own paranoia can make them assume the worst about everyone else. So, their accusations become more about their own “issues” than about your actual behaviour. “Ni kama kioo chao kiko na madoa, wanaona tu wewe.”
2. “Story Zao Ziko na Gaps Ka Meno ya Babu” – Missing Details
One major sign of an untrustworthy “mcharo” is when they start “kufudge” the details. You might notice that their stories often change, “leo hivi, kesho vile,” and important facts seem to get twisted, conveniently forgotten, or “zinaachwa nje kama skór.”
If someone tells you about a situation and later tells a completely different version, “inakufanya ujiulize ukweli ni gani haswa?” These inconsistencies can make it tough to know if they’re being genuine or just trying to “ku-manipulate story” to their advantage. If you’re picking up on these patterns, it’s a good indicator that “huyo msee labda si safe ku-trust.” Trust is built on honesty, “na kama” the details don’t add up, it’s worth considering if this person is truly trustworthy.
3. “Two-Faced Kama Pesa ya Mbao” – Different Around Others
One of the most telling signs an untrustworthy person is their “two-faced behaviour.” “Wanabadilika kama kinyonga.” You might notice that they act one way around you, maybe super sweet and supportive, but “wanageuka kabisa” when they’re with other people.
For instance, they might agree with everything you say in private, “ati ‘Yes, babe, uko right!'” then turn around and criticize you or your ideas when chatting with someone else. This inconsistency can make you feel uneasy, “inakushtua, si ndio?” It’s a clear indicator that they might not have your best interests at heart. If you catch someone flip-flopping between different personalities,1 “hapo kuna red flag kubwa.”
You should also “kucheki” how they speak about others when those people are not around. If they frequently gossip, “kupiga umbea,” or speak poorly of their supposed friends and acquaintances, “ni sign tosha” that they might do the same to you when you’re not present. A real friend, a trustworthy person, “anakulift up,” they don’t tear others down to feel big.
4. “Blame Game Champions: Ni Wewe, Sio Mimi!” – Never Their Fault
Another classic trait of untrustworthy people is their tendency to play the “blame game” with Olympic-level skill. Instead of reflecting on their own actions, “wanarusha lawama haraka sana” and point fingers at others. When someone consistently blames everyone else or makes excuses “kama zote” instead of taking responsibility for their part, it’s a major red flag.
This behaviour can make you seriously question their honesty and integrity. If they can’t even own up to their own faults, “utawezana aje kuwatrust na mambo ingine ya maana?” People who are untrustworthy often seem to think that admitting a mistake will make them look weak or incompetent. “Lakini ukweli ni kwamba, kila mtu hukosea.” Owning up to them actually shows maturity, honesty, and strength. If you notice someone always dodging accountability like a “matatu” dodging potholes, it’s a strong indication that they might not be someone you can rely on.
5. “Master wa Uongo: PhD in Twisting Truth” – Habitual Lying
When it comes to spotting untrustworthy people, one of the biggest clues is their pattern of dishonesty. If someone frequently twists the truth, avoids giving straight answers like they are allergic to them, or is caught in lies “mara kwa mara,” it’s a huge red flag waving in your face.
These patterns suggest that their untrustworthy behaviour isn’t just a one-time mistake, “hapana,” it’s a “tabia,” a part of who they are. When someone consistently manipulates facts or dodges your questions like a politician during election season, it’s a strong indicator that they’re not safe to trust. Untrustworthy people often get caught in their own web of lies, “lakini” they might just brush it off “ati ni joke tu” or downplay it significantly. That itself is another red flag. If they consistently “bend ukweli,” it’s a very good idea to take a big step back and reconsider if this is someone you can truly trust with your heart or your secrets.
6. “Siri Mob! Wanficha Nini?” – Evasive Behaviour
Another telltale sign of an untrustworthy person is their evasive behaviour. If you notice they frequently change the subject faster than you can say “Lenga hiyo!” or they avoid answering direct questions, it can make you feel very uneasy. “Wanazunguka mbuyu tu.”
Evasiveness often stems from a desire to conceal the truth, and this lack of transparency can be a significant warning sign.2 Trust, “my friend,” is built on transparency and openness. So, if someone is keeping “big secrets” from you, or they are generally cagey about their life, it’s a sign that they might not be someone you can fully rely on or build a solid foundation with. It’s essential to be aware of these behaviours, as they can lead to serious misunderstandings, hurt, and betrayal “baadaye.” “Inaeza leta noma kweli.”
7. “Narcissistic Flair: ‘It’s All About Me, Babe!'”
You know the type – “wale ma-smooth talker” who seem to light up a room and draw people in with their confidence and charm. “Mwanzo wanavutia sana, kama magnet.” They may be charismatic, super charming, and very, very good at making you feel like you’re the most special person in the world.
However, this charm can be “udanganyifu mtupu.” While it might seem like they have your best interests at heart, their primary focus is often more on themselves, their needs, and their image than on anyone else. Narcissistic individuals tend to manipulate situations to get what they want, which is a classic trait of an untrustworthy person. They might use flattery,3 grand gestures, or gifts to win your trust, but “motives zao ni self-serving tu.” If you find that someone frequently seeks attention or validation, tends to dominate conversations making it all about them, and rarely shows genuine interest in your world unless it benefits them, “hapo kuna red flag kubwa inapepea.”
“So, After Kuchanuka… Nini Next?” – Final Thoughts
“My dear,” it’s so important “kuwatch out” for these toxic behaviours before you hand over your trust, “na roho yako yote,” to someone. It can be incredibly hard and painful to realize that someone you care about, someone you’ve invested in, might not actually have your best interests in mind. “Inauma sana.”
But recognizing these warning signs isn’t about becoming bitter or cynical. It’s about “kuchanuka,” empowering yourself to make better choices for your emotional well-being. Trust is essential for any strong, healthy relationship, and when that trust is broken, it can lead to deep hurt and disappointment.
So, “ni sawa kabisa” to distance yourself from people who aren’t good for you, people who drain your energy or constantly make you doubt yourself. It’s okay to choose your peace. Focus on surrounding yourself with “watu wanakujenga na kuku-support,” people who are honest and reliable. Remember, protecting your heart and your peace “sio selfishness,” it’s essential self-care. “Jipende kwanza!”
